a sensitive introvert's rest story

And now, my abbreviated path to being a rested introvert...

I come from a sacrifice. I come from rest.  Work hard, then rest. Serve for the greater good, then rest. Put others first, then rest. 

As a toddler, I rose slowly. Waking, blankie and pacifier in tow, pausing in the hallway for another rest. A few more steps, PLOP, rest again. Seeking out the comfort of my mother’s arms, scents of french toast and cinnamon filling the kitchen.  

Childhood gradually took me more and more from the sanctuary of my home and out into the busy world, with loud voices, quick movements, towering grown-ups demanding my energy. Keeping my head down, hoping to avoid attention, I sought out peace with kind souls and kindred spirits. A few wolves in sheep’s clothing betrayed my kindness, teaching me the harshness of other’s pain. Returning home after an energy sucking day, my father modeled rest through meditation from a rocking porch swing, the chorus of birds chirping nearby from the umbrella of the silver maple. 

Dark nights were scary and sleepless and full of endless mind chatter of what lurked in the shadows and what energy I would need to face upon sunrise. Tossing and turning, unable to find peace, my parents tried to give me comfort with the gurgles of a fish tank and the deep voice from the radio therapist asking, “How do you feel?” 

The extroverted world, I tried to fake, but never did I make. I worked and played hard. I loved my people, but WOW, how did everyone else seem so energized among each other?  I would strive to be more outward and turned from my inward nature. From rest. Teen parties brought anticipation and simultaneous knot in stomach. Eventually, finding a quiet space to just be. Just be. “What’s wrong with you? Get back out there”, the betraying voice whispered.

My internal nature continuously trying to keep up and getting further from me. 

In came music, concerts, people facing one direction, not at me, and joining hearts in rhythm. Cohesion. Connection. A sanctuary I will return to.

College. Meeting extroverts, so charismatic, so aspirational. Hoping the external personality would transfer through osmosis. I come from sacrifice. Our energies passed each other like two ships in the night. My comfort was mostly at home. Theirs was the more the merrier. 

Work. Wedding. Motherhood. Check, check, check. Sleepless nights, juggling days. Must give more. I come from sacrifice. I love them. They need all of me. One like her father, “Let’s do it all!” The other, a reflection of me, “Home is the best place for me.” 

A new word revealed to me: introvert. Explains so much, tell me more! Nothing wrong with me! Creative, thoughtful, observant, inward soul. 

Divorce. Separation. Alone.

Forced rest quietly entering. I come from rest. 

Starting over. Who am I? What do I like? I come from rest. 

Dates with myself. Yoga. Yoga Nidra. Purposeful, preventative, Rest. 

New life. Old patterns return for a bit. I come from sacrifice. Learn again. Rest again.

There is a whole universe of seasons inside of me! Each unique and perfectly imperfect. My soul is true. Yours is too!  

I come home to me.  I come from rest.

Rise and rest. Soft and with intention. Enter the world each day as me. Practice self-acceptance. Cycle-syncing. Protect boundaries. Sleep with new love of darkness and stillness. I come from rest. Then I give to others.

I am rested and in sync with my nature, helping others feel calm. 

~leslie marie

Where are you in your rest story? Wherever you are, you are on your own path. Leave a comment below and let me know.

(There are so many more details to share, which I plan to do in our little Rest Nest newsletter. If you're curious, join me in your email inbox at the bottom of this page.)